Tips for parents on encouraging your child
The season is underway and it is hoped that all players and supporters are enjoying their summer so far. But as parents, do we we put too much pressure on our children?
There is no doubt that all parents want the best for their children - for them to succeed at their sport, improve their skills and most of all have fun. However, our body language and the way in which we talk to our children on the sideline, in the car on the way to the game or in the backyard have a huge impact on youngsters - and often from a child's perspective the messages we are trying to convey are misinterpreted because of the way in which we deliver them.
Consider the following instances:
- In the backyard - avoid giving excessive instruction - make the time you have together out the backyard to be 'fun filled' not 'instruction filled'. The wrinkles that form on our faces should come more from 'grins' than 'frowns' and there should be more 'nodding' than 'shaking of the head sideways'. Ask questions to get answers - listen and affirm the responses.
- In the car on the way to practice - avoid saying "you must do this", "you must do that". Comments should be more like: "Have fun", "Work hard", "Support each other", "Take turns", "Do your bit", "Say thank you".
- During the game - affirm effort - children want to be rewarded for good effort - they value 'trying' as a most special behaviour. Encourage your children - look for situations to say 'well done', 'good effort'. Applaud 'supportive behaviour' - when children do things that show they are supporting their teammates we want to really highlight it; ignore the mistakes that children will inevitably make - trust your coaches to pick the time to work on these! Negative comments are not welcome on our bench! If you need to say it, then remove yourself so that it is not said to or in front of the team. Acknowledge that your body language sends clear messages - so keep it positive! ! Arms folded or hands on hips show frustration or disappointment. We all need to be monitors of positive body language. We all need to be monitors of 'good language'.
- After the game - These are outcomes that are often out of a player's control. Instead ask them about things that were within their control - "What things did you feel you did well today?" What things did other people in your team do well that you thought were great?" "Is there something that you would like to do better if you could do it over again?" "If so how can I help you achieve that?" "Shall we set some time aside to do that?"
Children are not mini-adults - they have not developed the resilience that comes with experience. Encourage, motivate, support. The goal of any coach/parent should be that every player returns for another season next year.
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